Controlling Your Emotions

So, I’m in New Zealand these days mainly because I got invited to my friend’s wedding.

Two days before the wedding, I realized that I actually didn’t know where the location was or what time it was, so I sent him a message.



Why would you just give me a “seen”.

Must be busy… I’ll send him another message tomorrow night (the night before it).

“so… did you get my message?”

2 hours later…. he finally replied.

“If someone cancels, I’ll let you know.”

Basically… he’s trying to say “you’re not invited.”


I could probably guess why. He asked me the question, “do you think I’m moving too fast in life?” a few months back.

Well… as a friend, I did what any real friend would do and tell him the truth: “yes.”

I do think as a 25-year-old guy, marriage is too fast, but hey, that’s my opinion – I’ll make a post about that. BUT if he’s happy, then I’m happy.

Well, apparently one comment really offended him, and I don’t blame him. I just attacked his life’s belief. I’d be pissed.

It’s normal to feel like that if something you believed in your whole life, that one day, some dude comes along and says, “yeah… it’s wrong”.

So, was I pissed I couldn’t go to the wedding? Meh, not really.

What I was pissed about was that I bought a $2000 flight ticket back to New Zealand all for nothing. Jeez… if you didn’t want me to come, you could’ve just told me to spare me $2000.

But.. me being pissed probably lasted about 10 seconds. I just got on with my life.

You Should be Pissed?

I told that story to one of my friends, and he said “why weren’t you pissed? I would’ve been so fucking pissed off. I would’ve written a big hate message and blah blah blah…..”

That’s exactly why I didn’t do that.

What’s the point? even if I wrote a long hate message back, there’s no benefit or outcome from it. Maybe i could’ve done it for ego? But that’s playing into the hands of my emotions.

If you let your emotions control you, you’re mentally weak.

There’s a lot of weak guys these days.

They cry, whine, and bitch about trivial bullshit.

Letting your emotions control you is one of the worst things that can happen.

One of the main components of being a “man” is our ability to control our feelings and not act emotionally – women are emotionally driven and more emotionally impulsive.

Men have to act appropriately no matter how we feel.

Throughout human history, this was how men had to live their lives.

Do you think that the teenagers storming the beaches of Gallipoli on Anzac day wanted to cry? Of course they did, but they knew that crying was not going to get them through the war.

There’s the saying:

“the first one that reacts, loses.”

I swear by this saying – and maybe that’s why some people think I’m heartless and emotionless.

If someone pisses you off, and you show that you were affected by it, they win. Game over.

Same thing when I had my first Muay Thai fight. Every time he kneed me in the ribs, or when he elbowed me in the face, I had to pretend it felt like nothing. If I showed pain in my face, then that’s game.

Or, when a girl gives you a shit test: “wow, you’re so short” or “wow, you have a bald head.”

If you show that you’re self-conscious about being short or bald, you lost.

But, if you own that you’re short and bald, by saying things like “Yeah, I waxed my bald head this morning, you could probably see a self-reflection of yourself if you looked against it.”

it shows you’re still in the game.

See, every cool, confident guy would never get angry at such petty comments. See examples like James Bond or Hank Moody.

If you give a fuck about something so small and trivial, it means you have nothing else going in your life.

That grandma that goes to the supermarket with her 60c coupons and gets denied because they expired – yeah, of course she would get pissed off. She’s got nothing good going on in her life, and this 60c coupon is her highlight for the day.

But, if a millionaire tried using the same coupon and get denied, he would not give a fuck – a 60c coupon is the least of his worries. He’s got better things to worry about.

Stay cool

Like I said before, a lot of guys lose their cool way too easily. They’re driven by their emotions.

If you’re that easily lead by your emotion, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

My guess is that most likely you’re not making over six figures. Or… that you don’t have the physical body that you dream of.

Every time you’re thrown into a situation where the outcome is not what you expected, it’s a test in mental fortitude – there are no such things as financial fortitude or physical fortitude without mental fortitude.

And so, every time you lose your cool, and you succumb to your emotions, it shows that you have an emotionally weak mind.

It shows that you have no self-control.

Men who have no self-control are the guys that cry when their girlfriend cheats on them (because she certainly does) and gets easily flustered by such little comments.

The bottom line

The mark of a “real man” is not being a cry baby.

The mark of a real man is walking down a street, 5 guys with knives come up and try rape your girlfriend, and you look them in the eye and say “fuck you.”

It’s not crumbling into a ball, crying your eyes and say “I have emotions.”

Pro Tip: If someone pulls a stunt where it was totally not right (e.g., telling me i wasn’t invited to a wedding the night before) you have to confront them that it’s totally not cool – they have to learn because if they don’t learn, they’re going to do it again. BUT, if you’re never going to see them again, there’s no point teaching them – there’s no added benefit.

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