Reflection from Feeling lost

2016, at 22 years, I just graduated and got my civil engineering degree.

Little did I know, I would get super depressed over the next few months… I eventually got fired after 6 months.

I ran low on cash and lived in my car for 4 weeks with no job. At this point in my life, I asked myself, what do I really want out of life?

Well, I just wanted to travel the world and meet a lot of girls – a childish 22-year-old boy’s dream.

Fast forward 3 years later, I finally achieved my dream.

I can work anywhere in the world since I make money online, making $100K annually and living in Thailand.

I thought I was the shit, making this amount of money while living in Bangkok.

I thought I had everything…

So, at the beginning of 2019, I felt fucking amazing…

A month or two later… I felt lost.

I felt like something was missing in my life…

Even though I’m living VERY comfortably, meeting a lot of interesting successful people (and girls), I was still depressed.

There was something I kept repeating to myself…

“what the fuck is the next step?”

At this point, I got lazy.

I wasn’t as hungry as I use to be.

I worked fewer hours.

My income stagnated.

I went from going out a lot to not going out at all., meeting a ton of people a week to just spending time with just one person – I got myself a girlfriend.

I went from a fit muscular body to a skinny twig.

You may be thinking that this was all just a phase and I would’ve grown out of it.

You’re right, it is just a phase and I’m STILL in it, just under a year now.

I started 2020 poorly. I hid in my home for over 6 weeks, probably talked to 3 people that entire time.

Closed myself to the world.

I had to switch things up and took a one way ticket to Bali, and holy fuck did I learn a fuck ton.

Instead of asking myself “what should I do next?”, I should just outrun it.

If I’m working the jobs that I need to do, keep hitting the gym, meet a lot of new people every week, and work on more side businesses, I ain’t got time to fell this emptiness.

Knowing your next “purpose” or “goal” is not necessary.

Just keep performing at top peak performance.

Happiness comes at the end of performance.

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