Gold coast

Standing up for Your Values

Yo guys.

It’s been a while – sorry about that. It’s just the usual. Everything is chaotic, but that’s nothing new.

I’m in Australia now – Gold Coast to be exact. Just taking a break from the craziness in Asia after being there for 1.5 years. The transition back to western civilization is pretty crazy and nostalgic. The nostalgic feeling is pretty weird, but I’ll write (try) a blog post on this another time…

What Are Your Values?

fun timesWhat makes you for who you are? Well, obviously it’s your values, your principles, and your integrity. The whole shebang, which I’m sure you know.

So what are your values?

For me, there’s quite a few, but what comes to mind right now are two things:

1. Honesty

I like to think I’m a pretty honest person. I don’t tell significant lies, but if I do, it’s minor stuff. Most likely me making a sarcastic joke – e.g., Someone says “man I’m so fat, blah blah blah.” And I say, “same… look at my flab” Points to my stomach* – I’m naturally skinny, so I have a six-pack (not bragging – just genetics).

But, if you were to ask me a serious question, I would not lie to you.

2. Doing Shit I Want – Not Doing It Just to Please You.

fun timesfun timesSure, maybe back in the day I would’ve succumbed to the natural nice guy and continue a relationship that was falling apart, but not anymore. Not just relationships, in other areas of life – career, fitness, family.

My mum wants me to be an engineer – Na, the internet marketing life is too good (and fun).

Some of my mates like to play basketball – I have no interest in team sports. I’d prefer to hit the pads by myself – boxing, Muay Thai or do some ground game – Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Cornering me into a monogamous relationship – Na, I’m good. More on this later…

The reason why I bring these two points up is that they were challenged recently.

Getting My Values Challenged

Are You Going to Make Me Lie?

I had a friend from Bangkok visit me in Chiang Mai. “Sure, you can crash at my place with my flatmate and me,” I said.

And, so they came.

Look, there are certain questions, as a friend, that you have no right to ask. Like no right at all. And, those personal questions you want to ask, there are no benefit or outcome in knowing those answers. So learn to socially calibrate to the situation and stop fucking asking these personal questions.

Anyway, this person was so absorbed in this one personal question that it pissed me off – I never get angry.

I was legit getting a headache – too much stress from normal everyday work, so I didn’t have time to deal with this shit.

AND, the fact that I invite you to my home and you give me this shit – you are totally out of line.

Anyway, I could’ve lied, and all this nonsense would all be over, but that’s the easy way out. This would break my value as a person, and this was something I’m not willing to do, especially for this self-absorbed person.

So, I just stood my ground and withstood the awkward shit that came with it. But you know what? It felt fucking good that I didn’t sacrifice my value and principle.

My chat with my roommate :p

Convo with friend

Convo with friend 2

Are You Forcing Me to Do Something I Don’t Want?

SwimmingEveryone has different levels of expectations for everything. Maybe your definition of a good life is working from 9 – 5 and having the next 5 hours to yourself just to repeat that cycle. Perhaps your definition of a hard days work is 10 hours of work. Whatever it is, I’m cool with that. My expectation for those is entirely different. A hard days work for me is around 14-15 hours.

BUT, the moment you force your expectation on me which is not aligned with my values, I’m not cool with that.

Like I mentioned earlier, I came to Australia to get away from the craziness.

I had a friend that was generous enough to lend me accommodation while chilling in Aussie – super grateful.

However, I think we both had different expectations of my stay in Aussie. I just wanted to chill, do my own thing, have a good time, isolate myself from the world :p. I’m not looking for extra stress or nonsense in this period. Those are my expectations though.

The person I’m staying at…, well…, they have something else on their mind. This doesn’t fly well with what I want. They somewhat were trying to force me to do something I didn’t want.

It’s like telling a fat dude to start eating healthy. The dude is not going to change his habits just for you. He’s going to change only if he wants to change. Okay, yeah, you could force them to eat healthy by hiding all his junk food, but that’s just gonna piss him off and make him resent you.

Long story short, they gave me an ultimatum – do what they want (and make them happy) or don’t (and make the whole trip to Aussie somewhat awkward and change the entire dynamic of the trip).

I chose the latter.

I’m not going to sacrifice my intentions for Aussie for you.

So now, my three week trip to Aussie is going to be cut short – I’m going to come back to New Zealand for a bit.

Final Thoughts

When your principals and values are on the line and are challenged, don’t back down.

Yes, you will enter conflict (and it’s uncomfortable), but you won’t regret a single damn thing.

You’re gonna feel so fucking good afterward on standing up for yourself.

Think of this as part of your assertiveness training. Like I said before, being assertive in life will get you shit and is what separates the mediocre from the great.

And, whenever you stand up for your values or beliefs, this will make you more attractive as a person – and don’t we all want to be as attractive as possible?

2 thoughts on “Standing up for Your Values”

  1. Hi,
    Thank you for sharing your inspirational journey!

    Tonight I could not sleep because there are many shits coming up in this period, it makes me feel really tired and stressful.

    I’m kinda independent and confident woman and I can solve everything on my own, especially after a special man leaving me, I’m more assertive, stronger but colder. A few months ago, I was the leader of my team in a competition, one member handled his job very badly, the rest of my team had to cover for his part all the time. Also, whenever I told him what he screw up, he always had negative thoughts as I didn’t respect him (maybe because he is 10 years older than me so he might think like that). One day, when we found him doing bad things behind us. As a leader, we decided to fire him, but on the contrary he blamed me and said that I do not like him and I did like that to revenge him. Then he hired a group of gangsters to threaten to rape and beat me. Since I’m the leader, I’m always the one who reminded him so he thought all our decisions were my own intention to treat him badly. I had fallen for two months of depressed psychological crisis, I were always afraid of someone following me and hitting me. I did not dare to share with my family, just cried with my roommate when I was drunk. I always posted beautiful and happy pictures because I want my family having no worry but I was exhausted and cried when no one around me. I feel lonely in that fight and naturally, I missed him so bad. Although he has left me, but maybe the time next to him is full of beautiful memories and safety so I threw back to comfort myself.

    Later, I thought I was fine, I enjoyed the best days of my youth when I’m single. Then, there are some westen guys flirting with me, but I always keep them in my friendshipzone, because possibly in my business later that I will need their help. Sometimes, some guys would like to invite me to their own apartment, but I always refused, I’m not so serious about 1-night-stay but I can not do it with people I have no feeling. A few days ago, after going to the club, one member of our group invited us to his apartment. We had 5 to 6 people and 4 of them are female including me. Then he asked me to go to his bedroom with him only and the others would sleep in another room. Obviously I never accept that shit. He kicked me out of the apartment at 3 a.m. He said about his American culture is like that, if I disagree just get out. I walked alone to my house at midnight, I felt a bit embarrassed, but the most annoying point is I have never been treated so disrespectfully like that in my life. I came to my room and stayed up all night. I missed that person again and just wanted to text him immediately to say how miserable I was when he was not here and even though he was not the kind who treated me well, but he is the one respected me most .

    Yesterday when I and my dear friend went to the club with her American boyfriend. He used to chase me before. As we danced, I and she fell off due to dizziness several times, occasionally some guys tried to touch us. Her boyfriend always protected and cared of her all the time. Looking back, I felt really bad, maybe the person whom he should have protected was me. Because I introduced her to him and said I had no interest on him. All is my fault. That guy said that I am a picky girl, why I dont choose a guy randomly now. I explained I’m getting stuck in my daily life I guess I have no time for finding or taking care my bf but maybe I was hiding something.

    I do not ask you anything, I just wanna share something. Today I am sad and feel insecure.

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