It’s been a while – sorry about that. It’s just the usual. Everything is chaotic, but that’s nothing new.
I’m in Australia now – Gold Coast to be exact. Just taking a break from the craziness in Asia after being there for 1.5 years. The transition back to western civilization is pretty crazy and nostalgic. The nostalgic feeling is pretty weird, but I’ll write (try) a blog post on this another time…
What Are Your Values?
What makes you for who you are? Well, obviously it’s your values, your principles, and your integrity. The whole shebang, which I’m sure you know.
So what are your values?
For me, there’s quite a few, but what comes to mind right now are two things:
I like to think I’m a pretty honest person. I don’t tell significant lies, but if I do, it’s minor stuff. Most likely me making a sarcastic joke – e.g., Someone says “man I’m so fat, blah blah blah.” And I say, “same… look at my flab” Points to my stomach* – I’m naturally skinny, so I have a six-pack (not bragging – just genetics).
But, if you were to ask me a serious question, I would not lie to you.
2. Doing Shit I Want – Not Doing It Just to Please You.
Sure, maybe back in the day I would’ve succumbed to the natural nice guy and continue a relationship that was falling apart, but not anymore. Not just relationships, in other areas of life – career, fitness, family.
My mum wants me to be an engineer – Na, the internet marketing life is too good (and fun).
Some of my mates like to play basketball – I have no interest in team sports. I’d prefer to hit the pads by myself – boxing, Muay Thai or do some ground game – Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
Cornering me into a monogamous relationship – Na, I’m good. More on this later…
The reason why I bring these two points up is that they were challenged recently.
Getting My Values Challenged
Are You Going to Make Me Lie?
I had a friend from Bangkok visit me in Chiang Mai. “Sure, you can crash at my place with my flatmate and me,” I said.
And, so they came.
Look, there are certain questions, as a friend, that you have no right to ask. Like no right at all. And, those personal questions you want to ask, there are no benefit or outcome in knowing those answers. So learn to socially calibrate to the situation and stop fucking asking these personal questions.
Anyway, this person was so absorbed in this one personal question that it pissed me off – I never get angry.
I was legit getting a headache – too much stress from normal everyday work, so I didn’t have time to deal with this shit.
AND, the fact that I invite you to my home and you give me this shit – you are totally out of line.
Anyway, I could’ve lied, and all this nonsense would all be over, but that’s the easy way out. This would break my value as a person, and this was something I’m not willing to do, especially for this self-absorbed person.
So, I just stood my ground and withstood the awkward shit that came with it. But you know what? It felt fucking good that I didn’t sacrifice my value and principle.
My chat with my roommate :p
Are You Forcing Me to Do Something I Don’t Want?
Everyone has different levels of expectations for everything. Maybe your definition of a good life is working from 9 – 5 and having the next 5 hours to yourself just to repeat that cycle. Perhaps your definition of a hard days work is 10 hours of work. Whatever it is, I’m cool with that. My expectation for those is entirely different. A hard days work for me is around 14-15 hours.
BUT, the moment you force your expectation on me which is not aligned with my values, I’m not cool with that.
Like I mentioned earlier, I came to Australia to get away from the craziness.
I had a friend that was generous enough to lend me accommodation while chilling in Aussie – super grateful.
However, I think we both had different expectations of my stay in Aussie. I just wanted to chill, do my own thing, have a good time, isolate myself from the world :p. I’m not looking for extra stress or nonsense in this period. Those are my expectations though.
The person I’m staying at…, well…, they have something else on their mind. This doesn’t fly well with what I want. They somewhat were trying to force me to do something I didn’t want.
It’s like telling a fat dude to start eating healthy. The dude is not going to change his habits just for you. He’s going to change only if he wants to change. Okay, yeah, you could force them to eat healthy by hiding all his junk food, but that’s just gonna piss him off and make him resent you.
Long story short, they gave me an ultimatum – do what they want (and make them happy) or don’t (and make the whole trip to Aussie somewhat awkward and change the entire dynamic of the trip).
I chose the latter.
I’m not going to sacrifice my intentions for Aussie for you.
So now, my three week trip to Aussie is going to be cut short – I’m going to come back to New Zealand for a bit.
When your principals and values are on the line and are challenged, don’t back down.
Yes, you will enter conflict (and it’s uncomfortable), but you won’t regret a single damn thing.
You’re gonna feel so fucking good afterward on standing up for yourself.
Think of this as part of your assertiveness training. Like I said before, being assertive in life will get you shit and is what separates the mediocre from the great.
And, whenever you stand up for your values or beliefs, this will make you more attractive as a person – and don’t we all want to be as attractive as possible?